Zodiac Zoom
Education officials secretly consult astrologers before releasing exam results. Students born under “Mithuna” (Gemini) were 3x more likely to pass English Literature.
Forget studying. Turns out your zodiac sign does more for your grades than your tuition master ever could. 🔮
Education officials secretly consult astrologers before releasing exam results. Students born under “Mithuna” (Gemini) were 3x more likely to pass English Literature.
In a revelation that has left students sobbing into their past papers, the Ministry of Education has officially confirmed that O/L exam results are no longer determined by academic performance, but by horoscope alignment.
“If your Saturn was in retrograde during the Mathematics paper, sorry putha, you were doomed from the start,” said one anonymous examiner while casually checking his nakath book.
Astrology experts revealed that Scorpios consistently failed Buddhism for being “too sarcastic,” while Libras automatically passed Commerce because “balance sheets suit their zodiac.”
Parents across the country have abandoned tuition classes and are now rushing to astrologers instead, asking whether their child’s Venus placement will guarantee an ‘A’ in Science.
Meanwhile, tuition masters have begun offering “planetary package deals” — free horoscope matching with every set of model papers. One Gampaha master even promised: “Bring your birth chart, I’ll bring the As-grade.”
Punchline: After all, why memorize chemical equations when Mercury in your 5th house can literally decide your Chemistry result? 🤷♂️
Disclaimer: This article is satire and intended for entertainment purposes only. (Don’t actually fire your tuition master… yet.)
අධ්‍යාපනය ගොඩනගන්න ගුරුවරුන් හෝ tuition masterලවට තවමත් නවතම පණිවිඩය: “ඔයාගේ Saturn මහා සොරා ගියානම් — මතhematics නිකම්ම fail.”
ජනප්‍රිය ජෝතිෂ්‍ය විශාරදයින් පවසන්නේ Scorpios සෑම විටම බුද්ධ ධර්මයෙ fail වෙන්නේ “හරි සරදම්” නිසා බවත්, Librasට කාටවත් කියන්න අවශ්‍ය නැතුව Commerce ‘A’ ලැබෙන්නේ balance sheet එකට ඔවුන් fit වෙන නිසා බවයි.
මෙහෙම යද්දි මව්පියෝ tuition class අතහැර දැමුවා. දැන් ඔයාලා astrology centers වලට දුවනවා. ප්‍රශ්නය: “මේ Venus puthuwa Science එකේ A ගන්නවද?”
ඇත්තටම Gampaha tuition sir එකෙක් දැන් දෙනවා special package: “Model paper 10 + birth chart reading = guaranteed distinction.”
ඉතින් අලුත් lesson එක: chemistry book අරන් ඉඳගන්න එපා. Mercury retrograde තියනවා නම් ඔයාගේ Chemistry ‘F’ හරි ‘A’ හරි horoscope එකම තීරණය කරනවා. 😂